Risk is everything
Without risk there is no drama
Without drama there is no "aiutami"
Without asking for help
No love, no love
- the Light in the Piazza -
Adam Guettel
2005
Without risk there is no drama
Without drama there is no "aiutami"
Without asking for help
No love, no love
- the Light in the Piazza -
Adam Guettel
2005
Aiutami!!!
That is the cry....."Help me!" in Italian. The passage is from one of the greatest musicals ever produced. These words have been in my head all day.
I'm sitting here at my job in the law firm, providing support for my family......gratefully. I'm sitting here at my day job in the law firm......longing to not be here. I'm sitting here at my job in the law firm......aching to feel creative.
Aiutami!!!
One of my fellow legal secretaries is out for the day. They placed a 'floater' in her stead. She 's knew. She's nice. She's a middle-aged, beautiful Greek woman named Evangelia. I didn't talk to her much of the morning as I stared blankly at my computer screen hoping to find a mental escape somewhere on the net.
Then she asked me, "So....are you an actor?"
"Yep", I responded flatly.
.
.
.
pause
.
.
.
"What makes you ask?", said my ego-driven, prodding self.
"It's because you have such great teeth.......nice smile......an actor's smile", she said.
"Thanks", I said perking up a bit.
Now she had my attention. I know it's terrible. But I needed something, today, to drag me out of my self-loathing doldrum.
After conversing for a while, I learned that she is an opera singer turned actress. Not only that, she has been on Broadway in three productions. Three of the greatest in the last 10 yrs. Baz Lurhmann's La Boheme, Coram Boy, and The Light in the Piazza.
In adoration, I showered her with questions about her experience in 'Piazza', how she got where she did, and what her future plans were. She said she has been very blessed, but has to pay the bills like everyone else. So, she took a 'floater' job at my law firm.
Aiutami!!!
The entire scenario made me very sad. Here is a beautiful, close-to-retirement, talented artist, that really 'made it' to the major leagues of our profession. And that profession dumped her out into the gutters of unemployment.
Yes, she now has a good job, completely unrelated to the theatre. And I'm sure she is grateful for it. But aren't there guarantees? Aren't there entitlements? Isn't she deserving of a life doing what she loves and is best at?
Aiutami!!!
I know I'm really just starting out on my journey, even 15 yrs. into it. But I pray that I will eventually be able to solely do what I am passionate about.
For now, in my pursuit, I am a slave to survival. And thank goodness....I am not content.
This is wanting something,
this is reaching for it,
This is wishing that a moment would arrive.
This is taking chances,
this is almost touching,
what the beauty is.
- the Light in the Piazza -
Adam Guettel
2005
This is wishing that a moment would arrive.
This is taking chances,
this is almost touching,
what the beauty is.
- the Light in the Piazza -
Adam Guettel
2005
13 comments:
I remember when I saw that production wtih you guys when I came to NYC. . it was wonderful!!
when i saw wicked last fall, all i could think was that you would have been a WAY better fiyero than the one in the production i saw. he wasn't even singing, just talking the words. so annoying.
keep on keeping on....
I saw "Light in the Piazza" on my trip to NYC with my husband a year or so ago. I loved it, it was so amazing, it affected me greatly and I think on it often. And listen to the soundtrack.
The thought that the singer who sang "Aiutami" is working floater in a law firm makes reason stare.
You chose good quotes. I suppose a career in art, especially stage art, you spend a lot of time almost touching what the beauty is.
"This is holding breath and keeping fingers crossed."
I love you Matt. It's quite a life we've chosen for ourselves. Where many things feel just out of reach, but contentment in other areas is abundant.
I love "light in the piazza!" It was a gorgeous show. I saw it the last time I was in the nyc, about 2 years ago. Sigh. I totally feel your pain. I have a great job in Vegas at a Doctor's office. But is that what I would really love to be doing? No. I have not done a show for 3 years. I feel like I am so out of shape. I have totally lost my chops; I freak out at every audition I go to, which are few and far between. I have a great life I am grateful for, but it is hard not feeling creative. Cristian goes thru the same thing sometimes too. I know he misses acting, but I guess our lives have gone in a different direction for now.
You guys look great, congrats on the new baby.
Plus, I myself do not really keep up with America's Next Top Model, but if I see one of the marathons on MTV, my whole day is over. That show is addictive.
Nicole Riding Bell
Thanks for all your support.
Jen, you're right. And that's all I'm going to say.
Nicole, I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you and Christian. Show him my profile picture. I think he'll like it. I'm going to go check out your blog. Thanks for stopping by.
Heather, I love you.
I too have been thinking about art and survival recently. We are anticipating Shawn's mid-tenure review. He has been turned down for funding and grants several times this year and it has been hard to keep up hope. We easily forget the successes he has had --shows here and there, acceptances to residencies. Those successes are overshadowed by all the rejection. It gets tiresome putting hopes back together and trying something else again and again. After all the recent rejection our hopes for passing mid-tenure are understandably ridden with anxiety. It IS holding breath and keeping fingers crossed. I believe in Shawn and his talent, I just wish the people with the money would too. I guess all artists are in for a lifetime of repeated tries, rejections, and for most a few great acceptances. But to give up and find an easier life with a steady paycheck with no creativity would be self-betrayal.
yes. love you guys...
All I can say is ditto. And amen.
Also, I loved what Heather said:
Many things feel just out of reach, but contentment in other areas is abundant.
So well put.
I am glad I decided to read your blog today.
As someone who left my life in the arts and traded it in for predictability and structure it is hard to know what is better. Living life always feeling unresolved, wondering what is next or knowing what is next and being uninspired by it.
When I saw "Light in the Piazza" just after my mom died it effected me more than any theatre had up until then or since. It made me want to go back to my life in the theatre but then I remembered why I left.
Having art be the means makes art a job and I don't like what business and money do to something I value so deeply.
All that said, I understand the value is in being able to make the choice for yourself and not having your fate lie in the hands of others who may not value you or your gift as it should be.
Your outlet will come and the patience of your beautiful family will be rewarded, I have faith in that.
Katie - so right in every way. Where is the line between art/work and art/commerce? Does it ruin it? I guess when survival is the mode, even "selling out" to commerce sounds good.
I miss Sydney dearly. When I experience pieces like Piazza, and know that I now have a hand in creating potential work like that, I thank God for your mother and her guidance when I was a wee lad. She is the reason I'm in this beautiful mess of living. And I am so grateful.
Hi Matt! Congrats on the baby. Janine and I check in every now and again to see how you guys are doing. We haven't had an excuse to get to New York, but we're looking for one.
Facing the prospect of being figuratively and electronically bludgeoned by your blog commentators, I would venture to say that if it doesn't work out in NY, there is always academe. I'm a bookworm, and nowhere else outside of the university setting would I find anyone willing to pay me a living wage to thumb through first editions of my favorite stories. Throw on to that all the perks of school holidays, paid study abroad directorships, summer vacation, and spring break, and it's a pretty sweet deal. Just a thought.
Hope I haven't been the proverbial aguafiestas, but as Martin Short reminds us, "Every party needs a pooper and that's why [they] invited [me]".
We love you guys. Brian
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