Wednesday, August 06, 2008


This word, accountability, has been crashing its way into my life, repeatedly, this past while. As I grow older, I am continually becoming more aware of how weak and fallible I am.

I understand discipline
, and I understand consistency, but I haven't figured out how to marry the two in my daily/weekly/monthly/yearly behavior. I continually disappoint myself as my well-intended and hopeful life-changes come crashing down.

If you don't know me, I have an obsessive personality. I become very passionate about things for a short while and then that passion fizzles away to minor intrigue or residual interest (hello, blogging). When I was younger, this applied to many social connections as well. I wasn't proud of that. Now, I feel like my current obsessive tendencies apply to things, ideas, and activities....not people. At least I'm just hurting myself and not others. That's a start, right?

I want to try and emulate my perfect wife. She actually gets the idea of moderation and consistency. It's crazy. How do I glean from her that which will make me skinny, rich, and successful? How? How about starting the journey in a slow, moderate way. This is very hard for me. When I want to accomplish something, it must be done, now, or soon, with a deadline.

How does one moderately start being more moderate?

This is how I will start. When I know that I have to answer to someone other than myself, it's easier for me to make good choices...moderate choices...and to be honest with the progress and the outcome.

I can never rely on myself.

Having recently had a very serious talk with a friend in need of support, I became their "person" to which they will be accountable. It's easier to be on this side, but also motivating. I want a "person" to report to.

Not me....and not close

I want to lose weight, so I can fulfill my type in my current industry, be successful, earn more money, feel secure, and ultimately feel like I'm making strides forward in my life. It all comes down to making a thousand small, and good choices. In the past, I would do a crash diet, master cleanse, navy-seal workout, or anything that would give me results....FAST! Now, in my pursuit of moderation, I'm simply keeping a journal. I know what I should be doing. So I'm writing down everything I AM doing, and letting my wife read it. I journal my frustrations, temptations, successes, and remedies for improved and new choices. It's slow, thoughtful, and moderate. YIKES! I'm on day 3. I'll report back

Not me, either...but close

I want to stop biting my nails. I have done this since I was a child. As did my father. I have finger nubs, not nails. And guess daughter bites her nails 5 yrs. old. Genetics, anyone? She's been doing it since she was 2. So I gave her a manicure on Sunday night and had an accountability talk with her...since it's been on my mind. We will now be reporting to each other everyday on how we are doing. And guess what, I found it's really hard to disappoint an inquisitive 5 yrs. old girl. So I've been 3 days without biting. I'll report back.

I'm learning that the most important thing about being moderate and accountable, is that if you fall backward, you now have an opportunity to move forward again. When I used to fall from my obsessive and extreme plans, I would beat myself up, feel like a poop-bag, and not feel motivated to move forward again for quite a while.

I moderately say, "Thank you" for being my listening therapist. I will be accountable to you for my extreme plan of non-extremeness.

Check in on me. I need it.